These are the top 5 hardest boss battles off the top of my head, the boss battes that make you question your own sanity and push you to limits beyond that in which normal gamers shouldn’t be pushed to, these are the ASSHOLES.
Well, let’s get started.
#1- SHAO KAHN ( MORTAL KOMBAT )
Mortal Kombat is a game where you as the player choose a fighter from a roster and defeat other characters so you can save Earth Realm from the clutches of Shao Kahn, this asshole.
Shao Kahn is infamous for being infinitely stronger, faster and better than you in every sense of the word. Your punches do 2% damage or so a hit? Shao Kahn kills you in FIVE PUNCHES. It’s like the people at NetherRealm wanted to send their fans to an early grave by fighting a boss that spams 3 or so different moves constantly as he relentlessly rapes you so hard you begin to question why you even bought the game in the first place.
Shao Kahn is the physical manifestation of your own shame, from the first moments of the fight as you try to manuever your way around the death god and are delivered your first blow it becomes evident to you—-
You’re fucked. That’s it. Pack up and go home, because Shao Kahn doesn’t care what you think. He’s the classic end game boss that completely breaks the game and is one of the only bosses where I actually started screaming at my tv for bestowing me with such odds.
I feel winded just thinking about fighting Shao Kahn again, he’s the impossible task with a move pool strictly designed to utterly oblierate you at every turn. In short, Shao Kahn is leporsy embodied and that’s all that can be said about him. Let’s move on, I feel sore thinking about him…
#2- GWYN, LORD OF CINDERS ( DARK SOULS )
Dark Souls is the sequel to the dark fantasy masterpiece Demon’s Souls developed by From Software, it’s also the game with the infamously ridiculously powerful boss that with a single swipe of his sword nearly kills you in one hit.
Gwyn is a return to form for bosses in modern day gaming that shower gamers with stupendously simplistic final boss battles in order to make gamers enjoy themselves more and feel badass, Gwyn on the other hand is the fire at the end of a long and painful tunnel.
So you survived everything Dark Souls has to throw at you, you believe yourself to be amazing and badass as you expertly dispatch of Gwyn’s black knights following to his lair. You reach the summit and enter the colesseum to find a lonely king sitting by a fire and with no words he flings at you with lightning speed and unless you have the reflexes of a fox, are hit with a SINGLE SWORD SWIPE that nearly kills you.
This all happens AS SOON AS YOU WALK INTO THE DOOR. The worst part is not that Gwyn is a relentless dick that enjoys to clobber you with constant attacks and no breathing room in between, it’s the cold hard realization that if Gwyn kills you…you have to kill all the knights again and get back to his lair just to start round two.
Well I hope you like traveling, ‘cause you’re about to do a lot of it. I managed to kill Gwyn in an hour and a half of trying but it didn’t stop me from face palming and punching the air out of sheer frustration. I officially hate old men now.
#3- M BISON ( STREET FIGHTER )
M Bison is just an asshole. He’s so infamously annoying he spawned his own saying relating to how everyone feels about him. Most people who encounter him usually have fights that consist like this:
The very first round he’s not that hard, you manage to win with about half or less health and a giant smirk is on your face when you realize this boss is a push over and you’re going to win.
Then begins round two.
Where suddenly the bruised and battered dictator suddenly goes into full on bareback rape mode and begins to utterly demolish you with attacks he never even showcased in the first round of the fight. Then after not knowing what the hell just happened, Bison beats you into a bloody bruised pulp of sadness.
Then begins round three.
Suddenly your fear has came true, you’re going to get your ass kicked and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. M Bison has ascended bareback and has reached full on sodomizing mode where personal space is a distant memory of your past as your juggled, drop kicked and electrocuted into submission.
The fight has ended, and you have no idea what just happened. That’s M Bison, it’s like being thrown into a cold freezing lake with no limbs as twenty olympic athlete swimmers beat the living shit out of you as you suffocate in the dark by yourself. That makes about as much sense as what’s going on in your head as Bison literally beats you so bad you put the controller down and try to recollect your thoughts.
At least he’s nice enough to make you seem like you’re winning at first, right? Not if the next boss has anything to say about that…
#4- EMPEROR PALPATINE ( STAR WARS: THE FORCE UNLEASHED )
The final boss of The Force Unleashed is a prime example of what I hate to fight. Palpatine has all the bells and whistles to make you want to strap C4 to your chest and make a dashing sprint for Skywalker ranch.
Impenetrable force fields? Check. Floating annoying old man with stupid remarks? Check. Annoying pointless henchman that only further aggravate you? Goddamn checked. He’s annoying enough to deal with on the easier difficulties until one day I had the smart idea to replay the game on SITH MASTER, the hardest difficulty in the game.
This had to be one of the stupidest tasks I put myself up against in a long time.
More henchman, more forcefields, more annoying force pushes and yes more old man annoying generating remarks. Palpatine is the text book example of a boss that takes a pretty great game and brings it all to a screeching halt as you wait for the load screens to boot up so you can take on Palpa-slut again.
I just hate this guy. I hate old men who scheme things, he reminds me of my uncle and it grosses me out. Pro Tip: Do Sith Master with the dark side ending so you fight Vader…it’s just way more pleasant then facing this asshole. I hate old men.
But none of these bosses are anything compared to the big head cheese, the anus of the anuses….oh god.
#5- GENERAL RAAM ( GEARS OF WAR )
The hardest boss of the HD generation of gaming has fallen upon us. General RAAM is a colossal sized monster who showed me the feeling of being lonely. No boss in existence has given me this much trouble in a long time.
Fighting General RAAM is like having someone sit on your face and shit in your retinas as they profusely slam your genitals into the ground with spiked knuckles covered in molten magma.
I would rather have my testicles slammed with a sock full of rocks then have to face RAAM again on Insane alone. With a friend on an easier difficulty it’s doable, if you’re good. But if you’re like me you secretly enjoy punishing yourself with impossible tasks.
He’s the Locust commander who not only is invincible for a time being but is covered in FREAKING BATS THAT RIP YOU TO PIECES IF YOU DON’T KEEP YOURSELF IN LIGHT. Oh yeah, he also wields a mini gun as if it was a super soaker.
RAAM took me 7 hours by myself straight to defeat, I died so many times I started to question my sanity and if RAAM was literally designed to be the boss you can never defeat on your own on the hardest difficulty.
He’s the ultimate final boss, small quarters, infinite ammo and relentless sidekicks that kill you instantly if you even for a split second don’t move correctly. He’s the definition of unfair and is literally constructed to be a legendary and infamously unstoppable force of nature that stands in your path.
RAAM is the thing of nightmares and thinking back to that day where I stayed up to 3AM all sweaty and disgusting as I finally triumphantly blind fired my last Lancer assault ammo into his face, watching him fall over I jumped up and cheered knowing that I actually bested the hardest boss in HD existence.
If you value your own sanity, your thumbs and your personal health don’t fight RAAM on Insane by yourself. Unless you love rage quitting.
And that’s my list, keep in mind there are many other hard bosses but this just covers some HD games, I’ll make seperate lists for old school RPG’s as the bosses there are of things of legend.
Thanks for reading, I have a headache just thinking about RAAM.
NAUGHTY DOG, the creators of the UNCHARTED and CRASH BANDICOOT series revealed their newest game…THE LAST OF US.
I am so excited for this, the desperation in the trailer is so evident from how Joel, the main character, beats another man in order to harvest his supplies to the sudden regret of loading his revolver and ultimately giving away his position to the monsters of this terrifying new world.